greatyonder:

mantis is in love with snail snail is in love with snail

heartbreaking

was assigned
is assumed
was never asked
is desired
is lived
is the beauty
is the hurt
is coerced
is ordered
is begged
is strange

appeal
can’t understand it
my own
running out of taste
frown
bagpipe music blasting
eating
never going to touch cheetos
fed up

Oh, and I deleted the posts because they were way too embarrassing.

I don’t know if a whole lot of people saw my earlier crazy posts or not.

But I’m okay now. I had to go to sleep and things got better after I slept.

If I’m not sleeping…

The longer I’m awake, the worse it gets.

I always feel totally fine when I wake up.

When I wake up, there’s no depression. And there’s hope.

Then the day goes okay, generally.

But…

Anywhere between 11 pm and 6 am, I will become horribly depressed. Every few months or so, it gets out of control. I decide that I absolutely need to talk to someone. If there isn’t anyone in my “real life” available, I’ll go to the internet.

So, that’s what happened.

the ache
goes down my arms
and pulsates
in the palm of
my right hand

the soreness
of my eyes
when i look
at people

the shocking
feeling of
heads
turning away
bodies
skipping away

the mirror
i look into
alone and see
myself with myself
and holding a mirror
in front of the mirror

seeing myself
with myself
with myself
with myself
for eternity

and falling down
convulsing
tensing up
flopping around
at the sight of it

myself with myself.

The faces
The smiles
hands held
skipping
playing
games

i am
on the
bench
in the
shade
with
myself

people
are
together

and i have
an ache in
my chest.

1. How often would people prefer I post per day?

2. Should this be a writing blog? or an everything blog? Should I reblog stuff on here?

3. Anything else.

Also, I know the real answers are like, “do what you want, this is your thing”.

And it is my own thing…at the end of the day…but it’s also public…and I have some people following me and I’m not sure what they want or expect or even why they’re following me.

I’m having a “what…to do…with my tumblr…” moment.

swollen red
eye tears
stuck face
blank heart
erased touch
no conclusion